Sheer Imagination leads to ...

You cannot cage a free will Bird !!!

What he never came across the whole time that he was nowhere near her actual life dream...

She was way beyond his league. Though she herself started giving him the glimpses of that way after they moved in. She had dreams which were like a "Oh what the Fuck !!" for him, because he had gone those roads way before she had imagined.. And being suffered a lot from that journey he wanted a solace.. To keep himself stable and complete at his own world with her ! But all the good cannot stay stable for long .. that is what many people have stated in various aspects.. Some in physics, some in literature, some in form of Gods message.
What she cared the most was how it she is gonna fulfill her dreams.... Rather than making his own dreams come true he started fulfilling hers.. But he somewhere was not happy at all .... He was devastated from inside to find that she was also like the same other girls who enjoyed all happiness at a "not to be seen now" cost !! He just wanted to tell her that "All that Glitters is not Gold !"


His thoughts on that:

Now she has to know that truth on her own, and by the time you will understand that will be a way long .......

And mind you, you will then understand what I meant today !!!!


No matter how glamorous that world looks, that cannot guarantee you peace of mind at the end !!

Still you are my precious, and will always be... But you need to understand that they will make you fall for all the wrong that I have been through... One day you will want to retreat but then you will be so deeply involved in those things that you cannot come back even when you want to..... I had you, so my retreat was possible !
And what i feared all the time was this that when you will want to retreat you will find some one else other than me ... and then i will be history ! Ahhhhh ... Today i am any how your History ... But I feared the same !

No matter how cheap do I sound but that is the actual truth of life...

They wont stand by you when you will be 60-70 years old struggling through your old age.. But I would have. That is what actually love is ! Spending money on somebody so as to make him/her woo for you is not love !

Always fall for a guy who will make a coffee himself for you, and not for the guy who will take you to a coffee shop to show people his hand candy !!!!!

I may be poor .. And that might be one of the reasons...

I am much more ideal, that might be one of the reasons....

I am stuck with commitments, that might be one of the reasons.....

I am not cool, that might be one of the reasons.......

I am static happyness, that might be one of the reasons.....

I am more "Ghar-grishati" type, that might be one of the reasons.....


But you ever thought !!!! I am not fake as others....

I smoke is not the reason.....

I sometimes spray other people with anger is not the reason .....

Accepting all my faults I just want you to come up and tell me what was it that you were really bothered of, after moving in so much.. to such a extent !!!





What was is that was bothering you to keep that relation going on ? No matter I accept that I had been harsh, but as you know you cannot tie a knot with one hand !!! What was bothering you ??? I just wanted to know this ....

Why ? Because you could have never introduced me as your "man" ???

I still remember: you refering me as your cousin ...........................

Love - Saga Begins

Generations of quest for a perfect partner is ended at the end of year 2008...
He finally found the perfect mate made for him, his only and controversially last .... Just at the end of his graduation, he moved to the place of dreams, Pune. Generally he would have never failed for a girl in such hurry, but the first meet was not so dramatic, as seen in television or movies but rather a simple meet at a consultancy where he had came to apply for a job and she worked there as a assistant. Just a college kid with a year to pass as she had a backlog and was supporting herself with that part time job...
He was totally taken aback by her free will and free behavior. He on the other had was a very keen practitioner of "my work and my time" no chitter chatter here and there. They instantly clicked as she was keen to make good friends easily, due to her free behavior... He was completely intimidated by her nature, was keen on inside to be more in her company... He tried to be coming more and more at her office just as to catch her glimpse and a opportunity to make her more comfortable in his world. he lived just a couple of blocks from her office. He started going to her office and offering her chocolates and toffee bars.. He was totally into her for lifetime...

They now started meeting elsewhere than her office, he tried to be a decent guy, looking at his future. He started thinking that this is the opportunity God gives every bad guy to prove to himself that there are other good options in life than to just let go life in smoke... He tried hard to actively participate in the game plan of god to pursue better lifestyle and better opportunity to make her fall for him. He left completely the Bad company he had fond of . He started working hard at a job he got a month back. At job he started showing more and more interest in Job work and soon got promoted as a Quality analyst. Was very happy to tell her the Good News, which she also cheered. She was now also enjoying his company more and more, because somewhere she was finding her own solace from a recent breakout with her Boyfriend......

She was now the epicenter of his changing life ! He always wanted to make her cheer up and make her happy for the time they were together. She on her side was trying to check his life with more enthusiasm... He was very much happy for the change she had brought in his life and a positive sign of returning to normal life from a bachelors life where he spent his whole day smoking all day long with his jobless friends... He was active all day long. As he started earning more and more, he started to think of buying some small in his budget things for her !! They now though not officially started looking towards each other as a 'couple' ...

She started her college back, he soon started helping her with her studies. In the meantime, he bought a bike. He now actively started picking her and dropping her at her college. But good days are not to be last forever... Soon he lost his job due to some misunderstandings with his main Boss.. He then started the worst known job as a Financial Advisor. At the same time her elder sister came to the same city to start her own life after completing her medical studies. This resulted to less time for him by her, though she was keen on making maximum time available for him....  By the third quarter of the year 2009 he finally started intimidating her by calling her his WIFE.....

Her sister by that time had through examine his intentions about her sister. And he was more convinced to announce that he was really really in love with her and was keen on marrying her and making an official announcement at his own home to his parents. And was much more keen to know her intentions...

Note

I am not writing this blog to prove that I am innocent in whatever happened ! Its a kind of redemption... I write it and may be i am the sole reader !! But still it gives me a feeling of accepting all the sins i committed.....

I never got a chance to communicate the truth, so its a open relay to that particular special person, who may forget me ( as she has all the Rights, truthfully she does has, because all I did when we were together was really wrong !! ). Why is it always that we have to lose somebody to understand his value !!! Why god why ? Why did you not give me the same intelligence at that time ? When I was the most weak ! I am really really weak to fight back this situation, weak to commit suicide, weak to  walk back the past and change the times... If only I had power I would have gone back to that Black 28th and changed the whole day....



I should have never crushed such a lovely soul, such a lively, sweet Pillu. I miss her, and will never forgive myself for saying all those ....



Till my Death, I will always be a Sinner ! You have the whole rights to justify ! Not me !! I am weak ! I am Lost !! But some where you gave me the direction for Right path, and I ditched on you ! I am, I am Lost !
I should have never came in your life, to ruin it !

Frustration - Grey

Genuinely Karthik was a good guy at heart ! Only bad other than his Cigarette smoking was his truthfulness.. He tried not to be lying with the people who had faith in him. Much to his surprise all those were looking at him as an excuse or a monetary usage..... He trusted the system for the first time and fallen off the shaking ground then and there itself..... He had now access to all the irregularities of the society through a small but powerful network of Bad Company of friends ! Who were as fallen as him !

Only then he never created the feeling of Revenge towards anybody ! Curtain of the worst was about to be opened ! But then he met an unusual person, Mona..... All that matters in Love at First site is that First Look !!

Little had he know that this thing was to change his life and approach towards life forever !!!!

Innocent White

First I would like to update that after a long wait of almost 1 year I have possessed a Laptop !!!!!

Story :

LKG to Std 8 - First in every exam (intelligence based) was conquered with best possible scoring in the whole class ! He was very popular with the teachers for his extraordinary intelligence and hard work he did. His sole competition was a guy who had all available access to the back routes of the system ! Karthik was left only with his extraordianry skills as he had to compete for every single mark....

Nothing made his confidence down till 8th, but during this whole period of almost 6-7 years of rigorous studying, hard work and self management of school fees he never noticed a sole companionship for him by Sayali ! The first girl who was actually looking at him in a very different manner than what he had experienced before. This girl was almost present in every stage but he never noticed as he had no other feelings for her than a causal schoolmate ! But fate had something different in store for him, after completing 10th, she got admission in a very big famous junior college and he had to stay in a very rude environment of a typical ragging famous college downtown. He managed to keep himself at top of the order there also, aiming to make a mark at the Board Exams which could have changed his life forever ! But as he was destiny's favorite toy soon he was unknowingly dragged in a shameful matter which led to the actual disturbance in his social as well as personal life......

Then he became more conscious about what other people would be saying about him, what affect will that make to his upcoming scholarships...... And all that was about to end in a flash ! The board exams came, he had not submitted even a single penny in his college for the lab and tuition fees...He was told to be restigated for this reason ! He then and there itself got the value of money !!!!! The ultimate truth of life ! Somehow he persuaded his parents to comply with his situation and finally was able to make it to the Board Exams with least possible confidence and least preparation. Yet he managed to score 78%, which for him were the most disgraceful moment in his educational life !

What he didn't notice was that all these scenarios were pushing him down the edge, where if you stay can be called as the "Good" member of society and if you fall will be called as the "Bad" part of this society!!

There he saw himself falling off the edge but had no self confidence of making a point to himself and towards his fellow fallen friends. He started smoking and drinking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which by the time he realized was Bad had done the harm in his Future .....

Innocent white had started being Grey .... First step towards the Ultimate Black !!

2. Background of the Charcters

To err is human..

Being a child to middle class conservative Brahman family 'Karthik' was raised very much in a despair. Despair of not being able to be open as his other fellow classmates were, as extravagant as other children of his age were, as flamboyant as his arch enemy school ranker was....

Every now and then his parents would make him follow a simple equation, work hard, study hard and get good marks. No other hobbies were allowed to be nurtured and whatever he did was according to his parents not to the mark !! Because there was Bar set already by his own elder sister, whom his parents were very fond of. Whatever she did was excellent and what ever karthik used to try to do was way below there expectations.

All this led to deep roots of self despair and loss of self confidence as such a small age. Age where no matter what you do your parents should always be supporting you. Should be encouraged by the whole family. Age when all the unknown facts about life should have been kept secret for him to reveled at latter times, but his fate had something extraordinary for him.

It was not totally his parents fault though... because they themselves have gone through such a drastic situation that they had no feelings left for a baby boy who was born at the worst time they could have imagined !! When his father was forcefully dragged out of his own paternal property by his own elder brother ! All these situations had a severe impact on the upbringing of a child who was assumed to be a bad omen for the family !

But what could have Karthik expected from his family ? Only a warm hug and sweet lovely expression ! But he was denied of all these pleasures a way long back !!! 

1. Foreword

Getting to exact point why I have opted to blog, is because; there are some times in life when I cannot control the erupting volcano of raw emotions that splurges right from my heart, sometimes I do get a little as (ex) girlfriend used to say " out of control ". She was the one who gave me a enthusiastic idea of blog in..

To put forward all the emotional curves and bends in words is far more easier than to wait back and cry over a lost relation, which I was ready to make a life long bond. But she was not !!!

This ones dedicated to you my Pillu. 

No matter how much you hate me, I still love you.....